I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
