Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
