the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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