Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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