We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
