just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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