his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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