12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
