Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
