He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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