Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
