So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize