We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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