Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
