So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
