the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
