Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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