Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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