I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
