before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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