I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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