My first STD was from a foam party
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
