I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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