grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
