We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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