why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
