Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
