do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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