I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
