I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
