new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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