Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
