Small penises have feelings too.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
