More tranny stories later!
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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