Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
