i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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