why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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