so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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