Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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