I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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