If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
