I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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