Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
