Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
