another moral hangover. fuck.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
