it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize