I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
