remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
