I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
