a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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