Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
