I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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