you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
