I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
