y did u give ur computer a hand job?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
