i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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