I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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