if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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