Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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