she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dignity is for republicans.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
