my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Say something about gay babies.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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