She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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