At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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