I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
