what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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