Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
