i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
