i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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