My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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