Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
